Lost Genre Guild 3: Deep Enough; Let's try to Get Back Out

In our previous thrilling episode, Murray the Alchemist, from the Light at the Edge of Darkness story "At the Mountains of Lunacy," and Allen Peters, or Tachyon, from League of Superheroes, were examining the homepage of the Lost Genre Guild when they discovered evidence of hacking by the Chicken Booksellers Association. Allen decided to investigate...

Allen/Tachyon: These Chicken Booksellers are a desperate bunch. Watch out for fowl play.

Murray the Alchemist: Are you sure that wasn't my line? It sounds like--

Mysterious Figure: Don't move! My robots have my Chickenizer aimed at you!

Rod/Titan: We're not chicken! Who are you?

Mysterious Figure: Oh, no--you first. Which one is Bond? No one? Huh. Superman? Scarlet Pimpernel? Mary Poppins?

Rod/Titan: We're the League of Superheroes--yes, plus Murray, thanks for reminding me. I'm Titan, that's Tachyon--

Mysterious Figure: I am called "Guildfinger."

Rod/Titan: "Guildfinger"?

Guildfinger: Yes. I finger guilds our Association doesn't like: point-point-pointy-point! I even poke them a bit. Right now I'm targeting the Lost Genre Guild.

Rod/Titan: That doesn't sound too serious.

Guildfinger: It isn't. Such groups are a lost cause anyway. We at the Chicken Booksellers succeed precisely because people don't really want change: they yell about it, but they vote in the guys who've been messing things up for a couple years already. Sequels are always a safe bet. People won't buy real change: they're too chicken to read Christian spec-fic, and we're too chicken to print it, unless the author's well established.

Rod/Titan: Then why not leave the LGG alone?

Guildfinger: It's the lack of principle of the thing. The sky could fall on our heads from an unexpected quarter or even dime. So we're out to undermine the LGG.

Murray: Even I wouldn't stoop to mining someone's unders! You should be ashamed!

Guildfinger: No, you can be ashamed! Try our Chickenizer, League of Superchickens!

[Sound Effect: At least the second-loudest buckaw you ever heard]

Rod/Titan: We're chickens? Okay, that's just stupid. I knew having Murray along would drag us into his kind of story.

Allen/Tachyon: Very funny, Guildfinger. Do you expect us to squawk?

Guildfinger: No, Tachyon, I expect you to fry!

Murray: That explains the robots with the chef's hats and "Kiss the Cook" aprons.

Allen/Tachyon: But I'm still Tachyon!

[Sound Effect: Several reversed buckaws nearly superimposed on each other, together with the normal one]

Guildfinger: Squawk!

Allen/Tachyon: Now the feather's on the other wing, Guildfinger! It doesn't take much compressed time to reverse your ray's effect on us and give you a dose of your own medicine.

Murray: Funny--he doesn't look like a chicken so much as... Well, isn't someone else going to say it? Fine! I'm not afraid of any bomb, even in dialog: "I guess if a chicken sticks his neck out too much, he cooks his own goose!" There, I said it.

Mysterious Figure #2 (Okay, really this is the first one from yesterday, so Guildfinger was #2, and this is #1, and... Oh, figure it out for yourself!): Not so fast!

Murray: Okay, but it's not the kind of line you want to linger over.

Rod/Titan: So who are you? You're stroking a cat--are you Frank Creed, star of book signings and LGG offshoots?

Allen/Tachyon: No, Frank looks more like Scott Morris. Come to think of it, have you ever seen them together?

Murray: This guy looks like Donald Pleasance on a bad face day.

Mysterious Figure (etc.): Really? What about Telly Savalas? Now, then, which of you is Bond?

Murray: Again with the Bond bit?

Mysterious Figure: All right, then, how about Bagginses, my Precious?

Rod/Titan: Nope.

Mysterious Figure: Astroboy? Professor Hyde-Whyte? Mary Pickford? Gumby?

Rod/Titan: Check a mirror on that last one. We're the League of Superheroes. You would've known that if you'd been paying attention.

Mysterious Figure: Hah! Well, I am Ernie Scarecrow Blogfeld, terror of bloggers everywhere. We are disrupting your pathetic blog tour, and you can't stop us!

Rod/Titan: We don't have to. This is the last day of the tour, and I think this is the only blog you "disrupted."

Blogfeld: There are others?

Rod/Titan: Duh! Look at the list below. Can you guys even read?

Blogfeld: Curses! Look, over there! It's Elvis!

Rod/Titan: Get a life!

Blogfeld: It's Frank Morris and Scott Creed fighting over a cat!

Rod/Titan: Research isn't your strong point, is it?

Blogfeld: It's the pizza delivery guy!

Rod/Titan, et al.: What? Where?

[Sound effect: High-speed clucking fading into distance]

Rod/Titan: Drat! He got away!

Murray: Well, someone needs to give the people today's moral in a poetic, witty way, so it figures I'll have to do it. Friends, don't let the Chicken Booksellers win! Get involved in Christian spec-fic today! Or did they already zap you with the Chickenizer? That's no way to live! Get out a good book, like my Guide to Homemade Explosives, available at a bombed-out bookstore near you, and-- Hey! Knock it off, Titan, or I'll--

Well, wasn't that riveting? Remember to support Christian spec-fic and give the chickens one in the giblets. And in the meantime, check out these other fine blogs, probably free of Blogfeld interruptions...
Brandon Barr
Justin Boyer
Keanan Brand
Kathy Brasby
Grace Bridges
Valerie Comer
Courtney
Frank Creed
Amy Cruson
CSFF Blog Tour
Stacey Dale
D. G. D. Davidson
Janey DeMeo
Jeff Draper
April Erwin
Karina Fabian
Andrea Graham
Todd Michael Greene
Katie Hart
Timothy Hicks
Joleen Howell
Jason Isbell
Cris Jesse
Jason Joyner
Kait
Carol Keen
Lost Genre Guild
Mike Lynch
Magma
Margaret
Rachel Marks
Rebecca LuElla Miller
Nissa
John W. Otte
Crista Richey
Mirtika
Hanna Sandvig
James Somers
Robert Treskillard
Steve Trower
Speculative Faith
Jason Waguespac
Phyllis Wheeler
Timothy Wise

Lost Genre Guild 2: Going Deeper

Yesterday we began our blog tour of the Lost Genre Guild with Murray the Alchemist, from the Light at the Edge of Darkness story "At the Mountains of Lunacy," and Rod Davies, or Titan, from League of Superheroes, examining the founding concept of the LGG. Today we'll add the other superheroes to the mix, especially Allen/Tachyon, who will hack his way into the mysteries of the LGG Website.

Allen/Tachyon: You heard the man. Let's have a look at their homepage. Hmm. A bit flat for speculative fiction. I was expecting some garish illustrations at least, but no dragons, spaceships--

Murray the Alchemist: No alchemists.

Allen/Tachyon: Way to find the upside, Murray. Now let's look at the other pages. Hey, they've even got a link to the home page on the home page! I guess Frank's into self-referential humor. "The Guild Review" is a group of short reviews of Christian spec-fic. "Bookshelves" showcases Frank's attempts at recycling cardboard boxes--okay, no, it's a list of books and stuff by LGG members. "Media Room" sounds scary, but they don't actually have any reporters in there. It's just PR for some Christian spec-fic titles. "Resources" is pretty much a links list for other LGG sites and similar groups. "Catalogue" is exactly that: a promotional listing of LGG-related projects. "CONTACT" is pretty much what you'd think, too, unless you're thinking about starting an old plane. Whatever spins your prop. And "ABOUT" tells you what it's all about, even if you aren't Alfie.

Murray: Okay, so are we done?

Allen/Tachyon: Anyone could get all that! No, I'm going to hack into the horrifying underbelly of the Guild itself!

Rod/Titan: Sounds gross--and there could be kids reading this.

Allen/Tachyon: Yes! As I suspected, there's a missing link the casual visitor wouldn't spot!

Rod/Titan: Wow! Is that what's inside Frank's head, or is Steve just showing off his inability to use a paint program again?

Allen/Tachyon: Actually, it's somebody else's work. But I think it shows there's more to LGG than you might think...

Meanwhile and elsewhere, a mysterious figure sits in the gloom, stroking a cat.

Mysterious Figure: Drat. Those meddling kids may be on to us! I shall have to contact Number Two and tell him to try harder.

Meanwhile again, back at the blog...

Allen/Tachyon: Well, let's see what other hidden links I can find... Wait! A worm from the Chicken Booksellers' Association! Let's follow it!

Oh, my! Whatever will happen next? Tune in tomorrow to find out whether the Chicken Booksellers' Association is litigious. Meanwhile, have a relaxing dose of comparative sanity with these other CSFF bloggers::
Brandon Barr
Justin Boyer
Keanan Brand
Kathy Brasby
Grace Bridges
Valerie Comer
Courtney
Frank Creed
Amy Cruson
CSFF Blog Tour
Stacey Dale
D. G. D. Davidson
Janey DeMeo
Jeff Draper
April Erwin
Karina Fabian
Andrea Graham
Todd Michael Greene
Katie Hart
Timothy Hicks
Joleen Howell
Jason Isbell
Cris Jesse
Jason Joyner
Kait
Carol Keen
Lost Genre Guild
Mike Lynch
Magma
Margaret
Rachel Marks
Rebecca LuElla Miller
Nissa
John W. Otte
Crista Richey
Mirtika
Hanna Sandvig
James Somers
Robert Treskillard
Steve Trower
Speculative Faith
Jason Waguespac
Phyllis Wheeler
Timothy Wise

Lost Genre Guild 1: Get Lost!

To begin our blog tour of the Lost Genre Guild, I thought I'd turn things over to a couple characters who have appeared in "lost genre" type works and are familiar with Frank Creed, who founded LGG. So today's guest hosts are Murray the Alchemist, from the Light at the Edge of Darkness story "At the Mountains of Lunacy," and Rod Davies, or Titan, from League of Superheroes.

Murray the Alchemist: So I guess we have to talk about how Frank founded the Lost Genre Guild. Or found it. Maybe he should find a book on grammar instead.

Rod/Titan: Different words, Murray. Cue the language geek...

Tom Reilly/Darklight: Romance and Germanic roots, yes. You see, "found" is related to "foundation," which--

Rod: ...is more than anyone wanted to know. Thanks for calling. Anyway, Murray, shouldn't you give the link for LGG?

Murray: No, because we've already seen it, so who cares, and why should I tell someone how to find a group that wants to be lost? Besides, if it's Christian fiction, why's it the "Lost" Genre Guild? Shouldn't it be the "Saved" Genre Guild? It makes no sense!

Rod: I think it means "undiscovered" or something--thank you, no language geek interruptions this time!

Murray: Anyway, Frank Creed began the Lost Genre Guild when a sudden inspiration hit him. You can still see the bump if you look hard...

Rod: Wrong bump; that was another inspiration, and I thought we were steering clear of that one.

Murray: What are friends for? Or enemies, whatever. Anyway, Frank looks around and doesn't see much Christian speculative fiction coming out, and suddenly it hits him like ears to the head: people can ignore several individual Christian spec-fic writers, but gather them all in one place, and people can ignore them all at once! Frank's into efficiency.

Rod: I think it's more like getting a bunch of Whos to yell "We are here!" together so they don't get boiled.

Murray: And here I thought it was the other kid who was into Literature! Take it from me: getting everyone together in one place just makes it easier to blow you all to the Moon! Ka-Boom!

Rod: What I wonder about is the statement on the main page: "CHRISTIAN BOOKSTORE SHELVES ARE NEARLY BARREN OF SPEC-FIC." Okay, your bookstore may vary, but CSFF has had lots of Christian spec-fic over the last year. If they aren't on the bookshelves, they're available through online bookstores. Why the drama? I'd like to call in an even greater mind to figure this out.

Murray: Something smarter than you? But my athlete's foot can't go on! It hasn't shaved!

Rod: No, I mean Genie.

Genie: Marketing matters are not within my usual bailiwick, Rod.

Rod: But as a matter of simple logic, what's the deal, here?

Genie: A swift perusal of prior CSFF and CFRB posts indicates that most Christian spec-fic authors are either self-published, published by a small press, or already well-known in some other field. Thus, if Donita K. Paul hadn't started out with romances, she probably wouldn't have been able to publish her Dragonkeeper books. And last month we saw that John Olson had to team up with an established writer to get published. So it's accurate to say that the status quo hinders new writers. The Lost Genre Guild helps new writers get noticed and read, even though it isn't a publisher itself.

Okay, problem solved. Join us tomorrow for a look inside the Lost Genre Guild. I bet we'll encounter a strange man stroking a cat and muttering to himself...

In the meantime, see what the rest of the CSFF has to say on this vital topic:
Brandon Barr
Justin Boyer
Keanan Brand
Kathy Brasby
Grace Bridges
Valerie Comer
Courtney
Frank Creed
Amy Cruson
CSFF Blog Tour
Stacey Dale
D. G. D. Davidson
Janey DeMeo
Jeff Draper
April Erwin
Karina Fabian
Andrea Graham
Todd Michael Greene
Katie Hart
Timothy Hicks
Joleen Howell
Jason Isbell
Cris Jesse
Jason Joyner
Kait
Carol Keen
Lost Genre Guild
Mike Lynch
Magma
Margaret
Rachel Marks
Rebecca LuElla Miller
Nissa
John W. Otte
Crista Richey
Mirtika
Hanna Sandvig
James Somers
Robert Treskillard
Steve Trower
Speculative Faith
Jason Waguespac
Phyllis Wheeler
Timothy Wise