The Book of Names: A Genuine Site Review

I thought I'd close out the CSFF blog tour of D. Barkley Briggs’s The Book of Names with a look at the "Hidden Lands" site. (No, the publisher still hasn't sent me a book. I think I've been erased from their Book of Names.)

Anyway, the site is very graphics oriented, but there's also a lot of information. If I'd had more time to assemble my Genuine Fake Review, the site would've improved it significantly. If there's a negative here, it's that it takes quite a while to work through all the pages, so it can be rather intimidating. It might have been better to have an introductory tour to give an overview of the book, the land, and so forth. The reader could then click the other sections for more detailed information.

Just a thought.

One of the main surprises I encountered was right on the main page: The "D" in "D. Barkley Briggs" stands for "Dean." I somehow assumed it would be "Dilbert" or "Diplodicus" or something else you wouldn't want in the author slot of a book. But "Dean"? One of the major characters in League of Superheroes (he becomes more important as the series progresses) is named Dean. But I suppose the initial initial (intentional, not dittography--thanks for noticing) is more impressive.

But I digress, regress, or even transgress once again. It's well past my bedtime--busy days, lately--so I'm free-associating even more than usual, which frightens even me. In closing this very short post, I'll just say that if you want to look into this series, the Web site is the place to go. Also, bear in mind that even the reviewers who clearly wanted to give a negative review on Amazon had to admit that The Book of Names was irresistibly readable. That impressed me more than the gushy reviews.

Check the rest of the CSFF bloggers:
Sally Apokedak
Brandon Barr
Keanan Brand
Rachel Briard
Valerie Comer
Frank Creed
Amy Cruson
CSFF Blog Tour
Stacey Dale
D. G. D. Davidson
Shane Deal
Jeff Draper
April Erwin
Karina Fabian
Andrea Graham
Todd Michael Greene
Timothy Hicks
Joleen Howell
Jason Isbell
Cris Jesse
Jason Joyner
Carol Keen
Magma
Rebecca LuElla Miller
Mirtika
Eve Nielsen
Nissa
Steve Rice
Crista Richey
Alice M. Roelke
Chawna Schroeder
James Somers
Rachel Starr Thomson
Steve Trower
Speculative Faith
Jason Waguespac
Phyllis Wheeler
Timothy Wise

The Book of Names 2: A Genuine Fake Review, continued

Someone should feel honored: it's day two of the CSFF blog tour of D. Barkley Briggs’s The Book of Names, and I'm doing a two-part Genuine Fake Review.

When we left our heroes, they had just ventured through the runed arch into the lost world of Karac Tor, also known as The Hidden Lands, where they encounter a monk-filled abbey and some further plot points. Specifically, we finally find out what the whole "Book of Names" business is about. Baby names? No. Epithets for enemies? Negative. This is a list of all the people who have been or will be born in Karac Tor. The problem is that the mother-in-law of all identity theft is occurring, and names are vanishing left and right. No, this isn't a Bizarro World version of ACORN; it's the work of Nemesia, so named because not everyone knows that "Nemesis" is already feminine. She's a witch who can turn teens into zombies even without modern electronics.

Now, there is actually a basis for all this. In many cultures (including the Biblical ones), a name is thought to sum up a person's identity. There are various places in the Bible where "the Name [of the Lord]" is another term for God. In modern Judaism, "HaShem" ("The Name") is another name for God. And a lot of teens feel lost and without an identity of their own, which is why they tend to flock together like so many sheep. Good luck with that. Back to High Fantasy...

Anyway, the solution to all this is for Hadyn and Ewan to become Champions of Karac Tor and give Nemesia a noogie. But first, they're going to go talk to the local government. Kids these days! An adult would know that you should never say, "You're from the government, and we want you to help us." But then, an adult would also realize that you can't get out of a magical land without completing your quest. As Professor Kirk would say, "What are they teaching in schools these days?"

But soon the boys discover that they can't flout genre conventions. Thus, in accordance with Union Rules, they pick up a collection of odd companions and random encounters, such as Flogg the gnome. As a slogan it's not nice, perhaps, but it's still a quick source of cruel laughs: Flog that gnome! Flogg is bitter because he didn't get the job as travel site mascot, and he refuses to return to the lawn in disgrace. Then there's Sorge the warrior monk. "Sorge" is German for "care, concern," so we can see why he's a gray monk. He dispenses wisdom in the form of riddles and aphorisms, rather like Obi Wan channeling a fortune cookie or Yoda with normal syntax. He never quite masters the true lethal power of boredom, though.

Will the brothers save The Hidden Lands? Will they hide them better so the bad guys can't find them so easily the next time? Oh, probably--just not in a single book; this is a series, you know. But you'll have to read the book to know for sure.

For Genuine Genuine Reviews, check the links below:
Sally Apokedak
Brandon Barr
Keanan Brand
Rachel Briard
Valerie Comer
Frank Creed
Amy Cruson
CSFF Blog Tour
Stacey Dale
D. G. D. Davidson
Shane Deal
Jeff Draper
April Erwin
Karina Fabian
Andrea Graham
Todd Michael Greene
Timothy Hicks
Joleen Howell
Jason Isbell
Cris Jesse
Jason Joyner
Carol Keen
Magma
Rebecca LuElla Miller
Mirtika
Eve Nielsen
Nissa
Steve Rice
Crista Richey
Alice M. Roelke
Chawna Schroeder
James Somers
Rachel Starr Thomson
Steve Trower
Speculative Faith
Jason Waguespac
Phyllis Wheeler
Timothy Wise

The Book of Names: A Genuine Fake Review

Well, here I am at the start of the CSFF blog tour of D. Barkley Briggs’s The Book of Names, and the publisher hasn't sent me a book yet. That can only mean another Genuine Fake Review!

(For what it's worth, should I ever get a copy of the book, I'll backdate a review, along with the tour links. But unfortunately Blogger's publish control only simulates time travel, so we're both stuck with a GFR.)

Just to be different, I thought I'd step you through the process of creating a Genuine Fake Review. You don't actually need a post-graduate degree in English to fake a review; it's just one of the many skills you pick up in self-defense along the way.

To begin with, you need to wade through some reviews. Not only will this give you the basic plot and characters, it will generally provide some cheap laughs you can work into the GFR. So let's have a look at the Amazon reviews page.

Right off we have our characters and even our initial gag:

"Hadyn, Ewan, Gabe, and Garrett Barlow are brothers, ages fifteen, thirteen, nine, and nine, respectively. Their lives were just turned upside-down, twice."

Normally that would be fatal to a book, because if their lives have been turned upside-down twice, they're rightside-up again. But we shall posit that they encountered a plot twist along the way, so their lives are indeed rightside-up again, but also inside out. ("Lives," not "bodies," please note: let's not get gross.) In other words, they suddenly are wearing their undies on the outside. While this spoils a certain amount of tension concerning the burning question of boxers vs. briefs, it produces a lot of tension in other ways.

Cutting to the chase: the four brothers are stuck on a farm with a briar patch. Dear old Dad takes a break from his ground-breaking work in Crazy History to tell them to clear out the briar patch. This will help them process their grief over their mother's recent demise. Of course, they can't deal with it directly, so in true Freudian fashion they have to hack a maze into the briars.

How symbolic.

Anyway, "the older Barlow brothers discover a relic inside the t[h]icket." Just what they needed: some geezer was holed up on their property. Probably Br'er Rabbit: "I was born in dis briar patch!"

But no such luck: it is in fact a runed arch. It would've been a "ruined" arch, but the "i" wore away over the years.

Worse yet, "four large, crow-like birds fly overhead, dropping a cryptic message, copied fourfold." As a rule, when birds flying overhead drop a message, there's nothing cryptic about it. "Messy," yes; "disgusting," certainly. But "cryptic"?

But there are runes everywhere, and even the birds' calling cards have them. (What have they been eating?) Loosely translated, the runes say, "Use the arch, dummies; otherwise the story will just kind of hang there."

So Ewan and Hadyn venture through the arch and find themselves in the strange world of Karac Tor. Most reviewers agree that there's some serious worldbuilding going on here, which is known in writers' jargon as "Karac Tor Development." Yes, it's a blend of Celtic and Scandinavian material, updated for alternative history buffs. Where's Crazy Dad when you need him?

Tune in tomorrow for more genuine fakery! Meanwhile,

check out the blogs of these snobs who probably got actual books:
Sally Apokedak
Brandon Barr
Keanan Brand
Rachel Briard
Valerie Comer
Frank Creed
Amy Cruson
CSFF Blog Tour
Stacey Dale
D. G. D. Davidson
Shane Deal
Jeff Draper
April Erwin
Karina Fabian
Andrea Graham
Todd Michael Greene
Timothy Hicks
Joleen Howell
Jason Isbell
Cris Jesse
Jason Joyner
Carol Keen
Magma
Rebecca LuElla Miller
Mirtika
Eve Nielsen
Nissa
Steve Rice
Crista Richey
Alice M. Roelke
Chawna Schroeder
James Somers
Rachel Starr Thomson
Steve Trower
Speculative Faith
Jason Waguespac
Phyllis Wheeler
Timothy Wise