Original copy

In case anyone wonders, the preceding post arose from circumstance and necessity: the political season is heating up here, and I'm a freelance journalist for a local newspaper. I had to report on a candidates' forum last night, and I'd been too busy during the day to get to what I had originally promised: a review of the author's Web site. But I can do zany stuff very quickly, so I ran off a genuine fake review.

It's late again, but I'll have some factual elements this time, until it gets late enough to uncork the weird stuff.

To begin with, some parts of the copwriter.com site haven't been updated for a while--The Void itself is listed as a coming attraction (to be published in August 2007)! The best parts of the site are unaffected, however: My Testimony and Why I Write. The blog is nonexistent, and you occasionally run into a gratuitous and annoying login requirement. But then, as a cop and writer, Mynheir is presumably a busy guy.

So what can we learn of Mynheir the writer?

Well, one of the Amazon reviewers said, "Mynheir is an author worth watching." Obviously she found out the hard way how professional writers clean out your cookie jar when you aren't looking! (Or maybe donuts when he's on duty, though this seems to concentrate on the writing aspect.) Successful writers can afford cookies; less successful ones can snitch a few here and there. Wannabes and hacks have to make do with crackers. Apparently Mynheir is in either the first or second category. But has he achieved his full potential?

Myself, as I look at his Web site, copwriter.com, I am filled with sadness: just one more letter and he could've been a rich and famous copywriter, which is a technical term in the writing game for plagiarist. But we can't all have the glamor jobs. Look at me, for instance. Okay, no, you can't look at me, because I found all those little cameras long ago. (And they said I was paranoid!)

Anyway, I am a copyeditor, not a copywriter. This means that I'm a plagiarist with good grammar and spelling, not one of those illiterate slobs who makes a lot of money. Let them have their money! I have my pride.

And it tastes good on a cracker.

Participating Blog links:
The Christian Fiction Review Blog
Queen of Convolution
A Frank Review
Between Sundays
Bibliophile' s Retreat
Cathi's Chatter

Attack of the Clones!

The Void is book three of Mark Mynheir's Truth Chasers series.

Have I read the book? No. However, I have an M.A. in English, which means I can bluff having read any book ever written, at least in English. Besides, I've read reviews of the book. Have you done that or maybe even read the book? If not, read on. If so, go somewhere else, already! Nobody likes a smart guy!

Robbie Sanchez is a Florida policewoman. Fortunately, Robbie is female, which keeps things from getting too kinky too early. Unfortunately, she has no social life, in part because some of the guys she knows keel over and die. Three words, Robbie: Too much perfume! But one such victim, Brad Worthington, bequeathed her a best friend with an equally macho name: Detective Eric Casey. How many parents name their kid "Detective"? Anyway, Robbie decides to convert him to a love interest and maybe flip him if he doesn't work out.

There are two clues at the scene of the crime:

1. Footprints made by large, identical shoes
2. A nearby building with a sign reading "Friendly neighborhood evil menacing corporation."

Considering that all odd businesses are evil, Robbie and her friend Detective pay a call on the establishment, after noting a smaller sign. By screwing up their eyes, they can make out the cheery message, "P.S. Open All Hours."

Unfortunately this refers to the guard dogs' mouths. There are several curiously identical dogs, but but R and D dismiss this as an illusion: they have, after all, screwed up their eyes already. In fact, the pair are so far gone that they get into an argument about how many dogs there are. The dogs get involved, confused, and bored senseless in short order and drop off like a synchronized diving team.

The investigators then discover that the business is called Lifetex: obviously it's involved in creating Texan life! (Hillary could use some of that.) Robbie immediately senses a connection with the big shoeprints she saw earlier.

But it's worse even than that! Lifetex is in fact involved with engineering jeans for Texans, which entails dabbling in secrets Man Was Not Meant to Know. As a woman, Robbie's okay, but she has Detective put his hands over his ears and his fingers in his eyes. (They get it right on the second take, but it's still real hard to do.)

Then Robbie hears an ominous honking noise drawing nearer and nearer. Suddenly the meaning of the prints comes to her: big shoes that are identical! It must be a clown clone (or vice versa)! And since he's confused "clown" and "clone," a functionally illiterate one as well, without proper editing (see tomorrow's post)!

What happens next? I don't know. I finally realized that as a man, this was something I wasn't supposed to know either. Pardon me while I get my fingers out of my eyes.

Participating Blog links:
The Christian Fiction Review Blog
Queen of Convolution
A Frank Review
Between Sundays
Bibliophile' s Retreat
Cathi's Chatter