Friday, March 19, 2010

Wash Your Hands!

Since I've been virally active lately, I thought I'd explain how to avoid that fate. Lesson One is Wash Your Hands!

Not too long ago, I was looking over a kind of refresher course for health-care workers, and they had a section on washing your hands. It was very inspirational; I soon decided to wash my hands of the whole business. The advice was easily divisible into the obvious and the arcane. For example:

Use the bathroom - Wash your hands
Pet animal - Wash your hands
Pick your nose - Wash your hands

But also

Wipe your fingerprints off the blood-stained knife - Wash your hands
Accept bribe - Wash your hands
Say naughty word - Wash your hands and your mouth--with soap!

The most surprising one for most people, however, was

Wash your hands - Wash your hands

Yes, the sink is a breeding ground for microscopic vermin. So are towels. You should always follow up washing your hands by washing them again. In fact, I'm working on a device that will spray clean water from a canister onto your hands, collect and re-purify the water, then cycle it back into the canister, making perpetually clean hands possible.

I've tried interesting the federal health bureaucracy in this project, but they have pointed out that since cleanliness is next to godliness, it would violate the separation of church and state, so they are no longer recommending washing of any kind.

Politics. It's a dirty game.

Now wash your hands!


Caprice Hokstad said...

ROFL This is the best take EVER on the whole germophbic nonsense. Gimme a break. I used to EAT mudpies as a kid and I was healthier than kids whose mothers sterilized the binky every time it fell out of their mouths.

Baloo said...

Considering the differing cultural attitudes towards cleanliness in our nation of vibrant, rich, multiculturalism, I'm not at all sure that your post doesn't constitute flat-out bigotry, racism, and homophobia! Probably a truther. And a birther. Germer?

Powered by WebRing.